School Separation Tips and Tricks

Starting School can be a big step for both students and parents. Learning that when mom and dad leave, they are not gone forever can be hard for a child. Each child adjusts to this differently depending on their age, previous experience and individual personality.

What Your Child Might Feel/Do:              

• Feel Anxious, Scared or Worried
• Complain of an upset stomach or headache
• Cry or become clingy
• Have a tantrum
• Try to avoid the upcoming separation

 What You Might Feel/Do:

• Feel Anxious, Scared or Worried
• Feel Guilty
• Feel distressed at witnessing child's fear
• Have an upset stomach
• Cry

Tips:

Kids do well with routine. Routine helps them know what to expect and gives them stability. Creating a school “goodbye” routine can be very helpful. Goodbyes should be short and may include a special handshake or special phrase. When you prolong the goodbye it sends a message to your child that this is distressing and reinforces their fears.

Prepare your child for the separation by talking about it, visiting the school or even “acting it out” using their toys or play.  Doing this helps your child prepare for the separation and express their worries in a safe place.

Praise your child and help them see their progress. Letting them know that they faced something difficult and overcame it can help them manage the separation and future fears. It is also important to praise yourself.   Letting your child go to school can be hard. Acknowledge this; remind yourself that you are a good parent and this is a good thing, even though it is hard.

Talk to their teacher.  Teachers are experts at handling separation anxiety. Letting your child's teacher know what their fears are can help the teacher better support your child.

Help your child help themself.  When your child expresses their fear or desire to avoid separation, acknowledge their feelings without trying to talk them out of it.  Then help them  problem solve i.e. “I know it can be scary to go to school without me. When you are at school and you miss me, what can you do?”

Remember your child learns from watching you. Most of the time school separation anxiety ends quickly.  Your child will look to you to know how to handle the separation and what to do with their fears.

 These Books Can help Prepare Your Child for Separation:

The Runaway Bunny  by Margaret Wise Brown

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

Owen by Kevin Henkes